Living on the edge of a divorce.

I am literally clinging to every precious and positive thing in my life right now. The emotional pain of watching my three little girls deal with this divorce is enough to make anyone sick. I took them to the lake this weekend to go sailing. Friday started out edgy to begin with: Camille didn't get home from school until 5:35 because the bus was caught in traffic, NASCAR was going on full-blast, so then we sat in more traffic. Camille cried inconsolably all the way to the lake. She said she needed to cry... and frankly, I wished I could of joined her. But I was out in the middle of the country and it was pitch black.. I only had words to bridge the gap to the backseat. Just when I thought Camille's tears were terrible, another unwelcome noise joined the chorus. Gigi started vomiting... everywhere! Let me reiterate I was the only adult in the car, we were on a narrow highway, with no medians, in the pitch dark. There was nowhere to stop! All I could think about was getting to the boat ASAP. I have never been so happy to see my parents. I'm sure they were thrilled to open my car door and find the chaos ensuing!

My little Camille is really struggling though. I would do anything for her. Tonight I pleaded with Kevin for him to move out to an extended stay apartment until he buys his house. Something has to change. I'm just wondering when Kevin will realize every person he lives with is in therapy, and yet he is Mr. Perfect? Surely common sense is alive and well... somewhere.

I am pushing my attorney, I have a meeting with the social worker, I must have progress. I will not allow the kids to keep living in this insane environment. It is not fair to them. They are the only innocent victims of this divorce. And I don't want to role model "how to be a victim" to my daughters. I want to teach them how to be strong, healthy -- physically, emotionally, and spiritually, down to earth, wonderful kids. I can't change the divorce, but I can change how they see me. I will be a good role model for them. God, please bless and protect my children.