Bloggers block?

I have had bloggers block... not for a lack of *drama* in my life... just too much drama that I don't know where to begin. So Kevin was ordered to move out by May 1. We went to mediation and his legal team (two lawyers and a paralegal) made an attempt for Kevin to keep the house. So the mediator (a former family judge) said that if I found a house within a certain price range in a certain city, to go ahead and buy it. I looked and found nothing! My mom looked in that price range, and found nothing. So I was going through the MLS once more and found a newly listed *beautiful* house, in the right city, in the right price range, on a cul-de-sac, with a pool, and lots of kids on the street. Good news, huh?

Not so fast... Kevin now can't decide what he wants. Really? Still? Haven't we been through this ad nauseam? I offered to move out, and he thought the price range was too high, or he didn't like the neighborhood. So then he was ordered to move out. He can't decide on anything and made a power play (misleading the mediator) in order to keep this house. My *one* attorney informed the mediator of the judges order -- that overrides anything in mediation, unless I agree to a change of the orders. So I did my homework (again) and he is still disagreeable! He said he can't make up his mind. I have never met a more confused individual in my life. He doesn't know what team he is batting for, he doesn't want the ramifications that come with divorce, he doesn't know where he wants to live... I could go on and on.

So we are back to the ever important word boundaries! I told him I would look at this one house, and if I liked it, we could make an offer. But I told him that was it... I am not running all over town wasting my time and my mom's time trying to find a house that he will always say no to. I'm not putting my life on hold any longer. If he says no to this, I told him I am staying put, just like the judge ordered. I will eventually sell this house, and find another one. I am tired of the drama and emotional energy it takes to negotiate with him. I am going to have to have the conversation that the locks will be changed May 1. No more letting him stay here, with all his crap, on his week. He needs to pack and go, or I need to pack and go... the concept really seems quite simple... that is what a divorce is!!!

He has lied about his work schedule; he still has not produced the all of the financial information; he has lied about where he works; he has failed to disclose one of his trust funds (this is his effort to say we have no liquid assets)... the list could go on and on. I feel like this is some hellish version of a high school breakup. The only difference (which are major differences) is that we have kids involved and community property to divide. However, if we stick to his schedule, we won't be divorced for the next ten years! I want to move on with life!

I get that these are all big decisions, but given the fact that he has been planning this divorce for well over a year, he needs to get a handle on things. He needs to understand that you don't get to fire your wife, and keep all of the kids, money, and assets. The children are suffering the most! If for no other reason, this should motivate him to make up his freaking mind!

I am proud of myself for pushing forward despite his unwillingness to settle this. I'm taking my co-parenting class -- I can't force him to go -- but I will and do the best I can for the kids. Since I was awarded the house, I called to have the roof inspected after the hailstorm. And yes, we do need a new roof -- problem is I can't even get Kevin to tell me who insures our house! I think it is State Farm, but he dodges the question. So I will spend fifty dollars to call my attorney, who will call his attorney who will charge another fifty dollars, and then more money for the information to go between the lawyers and finally get to me. Can you say crazy? Can you say irritating? Can you say control freak? Geez!!!

So here is my motto right now:

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change
The courage to change the person I can
And the wisdom to know it is me.

That's it... as frustrating and silly as this is, all I can do is be proactive and keep on keeping on.

Oh wait... don't let me forget the silver lining... after describing the psychological turmoil the kids are in, and given the fact that this divorce is so complex, the mediator ordered us to see an LPC for parental coaching. Heh... that is the PC word for "You freaking people need to get your crap together for the kids, so we are forcing you into therapy!" That makes me happy, very happy. Being forced to sit down with a neutral third party to help with a co-parenting plan is one of the best things that could happen right now! Our lovely little girls deserve stability, structure, routine, and consistency to make this transition as easy as possible. So I will end on that very happy note! ;)