You take the L out of lover, and it's OVER.

I guess the best worst news is that hopefully this is almost over. But I'm good and angry. And I feel entitled to be angry, thank you very much! The way Kevin initiated and then proceeded with this divorce has been a back-handed, passive-aggressive, cowardly way to ask for a divorce. He served me with papers and then what... stalled, didn't produce finances, and made everything as difficult as possible. Which leads me to the conclusion that hell hath no fury like a passive-aggressive, alpha male that is dominated by his dick. Yep... I just said that.

Secretly I think he was hoping this day would come... that he wouldn't have to do the dirty work of taking things back to court. It soothes his conscious. He thinks I'm the mean one for going back to court and not mediating. But how much time is reasonable. I think that nine months has been more than reasonable. And this is for temporary orders. In the state of Texas, temporary orders are supposed to be issued within 10 days... so nine months is ridiculously reasonable... If not passive on my part.

But I don't think I really got it until this weekend. It is broken... it cannot be fixed. Kevin is not going to wake up and have an epiphany that this marriage can work... that we can work. Because we can't. And the truth is we crossed that threshold long ago. This is so over... I can't keep pretending things may work out. Because they won't. And I don't want them too because I deserve better, and the girls deserve better.

I can't control Kevin. I can't control court. I can't control his lawyer. But I can control my future and my destiny. I can choose not to live like this. I can choose to start living life again. It is time to take care of me. It isn't easy taking this leap of faith... but that is why faith is faith.